My partner and I have been together for 3 years. In that time, we have merged, and joined our very small circles of friends into a group of people we see regularly, and whose time and company we love and enjoy. We do not have large groups of surface 'acquaintances' whom we see sporadically throughout the year.
THE BIRTHDAY
We were quite recently invited to a birthday party by friends that we would call acquaintances, but who may become close friends in time. We were touched by the invite and graciously accepted. By default we found out that there were not one, by two birthday parties on the go that weekend, and that our other friends had been invited to the Saturday bash, and we were invited to the Friday bash. This was just too strange to us. We attended the Friday celebration, still very touched to be included. It was a gathering of family and very close friends. "Wow", this is touching we though to ourselves. Sit down 2 course dinner, all drinks catered for, family speeches, tears, laughter..
The feedback we got on the Saturday bash was one big rip roaring hum dinger of a party, until the wee hours of the morning.
Its still a conundrum to us, did we get invited to the dinner because we are 'close friends' or did we not get invited to the ripper party because we are perceived as boring and stayed. Who know, its just bizarre to us. Wonder what rules were applied when dividing up the guest lists?
THE FUNERAL
My ex lover and I parted ways 5 years ago. We were together for a little over 3 years. We had a stormy on again- off again affair. She was 14 years my senior, and I was star struck and young and so willing and wanting to have her in my life, somehow, anyhow. She was aloof, distant, and could go for days, sometime over a week without returning a call, or making time to see me. At the same time, she was fun and exciting, sexy and interesting. She made me laugh, and laugh at myself. She definitely helped my to see the lighter side, and brighter side of thing, and not to be so serious. Perhaps not to 'white rabbit' quite as much as I can do.
On the 25th of June she shot herself. I got the news from her current lover. What a shock.
In month that has followed her death, there has been a myriad of communication between me and her lover and those close to her, regarding her funeral (memorial service). Again, the rules came flying out, and I was given very strict instructions that only myself and my partner were invited, and that friends of mine, who had known my ex for close to 25 years were not welcome. Politics, rules and rigidity filled the air. Of course I complied, and we attended the memorial service this past weekend. It was held in my ex-lovers home town (that she was grateful to get out of), in a church (which she had no ties or belief in), with a very small gathering. It should have been held in a theatre, with a cabaret masters of ceremonies, and it should have beenattended by all who loved her, Edith Piaf's "No Regrets' booming loud and clear at the end. But it was not. I know I was not intimately involved in the lives of those people anymore, it is not my place to say otherwise. But here I can. There should have been no rules. That is how She lived her life. I think all the rules and expectations imposed by others on Her is what wore Her down.
PLANNING A WEDDING
On a lighter note, my Partner and I are getting hitched, tying the knot, getting married. It all goes down on the 16th of December 2010. We are excited, nervous, out right scared, delighted, and a multitude of conflicting feelings all at once.....And....getting very caught up in RULES.
We have next to no budget, and are saving like church mice. Those we have invited are only our loved ones and close friends. We sent out our invitations with some fine print, explaining that we could only possibly include friends, and unless you were already with a significant other, we couldn't include partners for everyone. Understandable? We thought so...
But, it seems that we may have broken one of the Wedding rules, and are starting to get whinges and moans back about wanting and needing partners to come. Please, if We don't know the person, haven't met them, or have br
iefly met them, and you are not having intimate relations with them, why must we exclude someone we love and know so that you can have a drinking partner for the evening? Who's getting married anyway? Rules!! I say we make up our own, and that's the way it will be;- No partners, unless you are receiving regular sexual favours from the person, you can come (erm) alone.
- Be on time. Be early. But don't come waltzing in whilst we brides are already halfway down the aisle
We want you to share, and witness our special day, and our commitment to each other. A glass of Champers and a glass of wine should be more than sufficient to toast us. If you wish to get inebriated, bring your own wallet in order to do so.
We are well into our 30's. We own our own home. It is furnished. We have a toaster, coffee machine, kettle, 2 irons, slow cooker, fridge, freezer, washing machine, dryer, beds, couches, TV, DVD player, crockery, cutlery, linen, towels, the works. We do not need anymore of it. Rather just come and have a good time with us, and forget the silly presents. Unless you want to part with all that cash you brought in your wallet, that you were going to use to get inebriated with!
It is OUR wedding. Mom and Dad, you already got married and had YOUR wedding. If you want to invite all your friends and long lost family members I haven't seen since I lost my first tooth, renew your vows and have your own reception, and invite whom ever you want. We do love you dearly.
Mr DJ, if you play house all evening, you will be playing for a 50% discount. You have a song list, stick to it.
Flowers are lovely and pretty. But we are not spending thousands on flowers for a couple of hours. We are getting married in a garden, there are already lots of plants growing.
So. A rant, and a moan, with hopefully some humour. We do like to get caught up on the rules, and how we think, and others think life should be. We just need to breath, and take in every moment, and above all, make sure we laugh.
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